just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
