Can i not drive my cunt home
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
