i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
