My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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