how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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