I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
