Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize