i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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