So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
