My first STD was from a foam party
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
