i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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