My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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