I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
