So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
