There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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