if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
