Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
