The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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