last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
