hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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