Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
