im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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