So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
