He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
