uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
send nudes
from the living room?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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