Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
