Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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