she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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