dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize