I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
