ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
