I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
