I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
