how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
