I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
