I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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