your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Randomize
