btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
