New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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