YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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