I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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