I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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