The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
