we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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