I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
