He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
