it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
