is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
