So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
