Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
