the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize