I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
