I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The uberlube is also flammable
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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