We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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