I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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