I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize