You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
