im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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