So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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