You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize