When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
