My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize