Midget sex pt 2 tonight
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
