all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
