Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
