they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
