i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
