Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
