Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
