I wish my penis had an off switch
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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