they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
