Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
