He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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