there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
All I want is dick and wine.
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