oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize