Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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