i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
