Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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