A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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