Moan for me like Helen Keller
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
