Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
