The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
