It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
