dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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