then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
