Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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