I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
