Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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