don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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