I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
