I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
