I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
