There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
