i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
