so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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