I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
