Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize