Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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