Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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