Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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