Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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