just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
