turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize