Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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