I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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