If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize