How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
