The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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