Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Randomize
