I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize