That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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