I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
