i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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