One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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