he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize